Good luck bro! You need to accept yourself for who you are. It's tough because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but, do you throw away a good thing? Sending you strength. No real worries there. Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. Very few people know so I was instantly fucking pissed because if they knew, its cause my wife told them. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. How you treat your relationship with your wife is up to you, but I would say to her that her friends are homophobic and need to never come by the house again. I honestly don't know if your marriage can survive this. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. For a moment I felt ashamed. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Personal details should remain private. She feels bad for being caught. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. That is a messy situation. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. I am not open about my sexuality. You gotta fuck Tom. So here is a truth I don't think many men/women/etc get: SO's talk. Emasculated. I have never discussed my sexual relationship with my husband with them, and theyve never discussed their sex lives with their partners with me (because were all married or long term now, and thats just inappropriate. When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. Just the circles I run in a guess. They are what they are and they are very real. To her, you're the butt of the joke. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. I'm sorry. Take the space you need & honor your feelings. You took that better than I would have. Also, she may have "let it slip" 2 years ago, but obviously they've all talked about it since. See how it flushes out. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. Best of luck. Also? Therapy is what you need. Also, if shes lying to you about this, I feel absolutely certain that are other things you dont know. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. You are not overreacting. That's only for me and my wife to know. Created by your wife. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Imagine it was a really graphic conversation, about all her body parts or how she is bad at oral sex, and it included discussions of your ex-girlfiend for comparison. As for your wifes friends, if they feel that strongly about your sexual preferences, then fuck em too! Couples therapy. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. I was going to say something identical. Don't fight. Maybe suggest that. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. Winston Churchill I absolutely agree. BS. This right here. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Relationship therapy, lots of work, regaining trust. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. These ones sound terrible. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. She put you down at your own house. But it needs to be on your terms. Let her know how betrayed you feel. Life works in a whelm of duality. Its one of the biggest consequences to a pushover personality and if she wants to get back on OPs good side/have a better go with a different relationship, shes gotta level up on her backbone first. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. Would she have ever stood up for you and put her friends in place? You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. That would be the end for me. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . Hows everything going out there? she asked motioning to the garage smiling nervously. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. she can claim she doesnt mean it all she wants but that will not change the fact she said it and then didnt defend you when things got ugly. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. The biggest thing in my mind is, she shouldn't be saying things to appease her friends because she thinks they'll judge her for being with you. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. Any other friends you have in common likely know. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. Isn't this basically reverse sexism? Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. They were basically talking about me (no one contacts me anymore, just my wife to commend her on how loyal she is despite having a douchebag loser husband), and I overheard her agreeing with the person on the phone. Any words of wisdom for the talk tomorrow? Marriage counseling needed. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. I heard their conversation. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. That's just me, though. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. Wow dude, that sucks and I feel bad for you. If you don't care about your partner enough to defend them when they aren't there, why the fuck are you even with them? Its just another role, like being the dutiful daughter or the waste of space ex or the everyone loves me co-worker. They'll only hear "he likes sex with men. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. It's not cool she didn't. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. That's plain shitty. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? She basically said, well if you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset right now. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. Go out and do things during those days, don't wallow. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. I think it wouldve been different if maybe she had some concerns and needed someone to confide in about it, but she shouldve never allowed them to speak about you that way. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. THAT is a stand up friend. She's betrayed you. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. Yeah, I have a hunch that her apology is going to include counseling and new friends. Her to like the same shit you go?? Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. People do stupid shit. Divorce may be an end result. You both need support and work towards creating a space where you both can be more honest with one another. Best of luck. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Forgive them anyway. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. Fuck this situation. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. Its not an easy solution. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. For that reason I would agree that you guys should talk about, counseling, or like I said, you reconsidering the relationship. Cuz while I get what youre saying, what OPs wife said was beyond just a little oopsie. If she had doubled down and defended herself and her friends, then that would be a break up situation imo. Get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house I sniped as I tipped my fedora and winked at my wifes hottest friend who was clearly impressed by my rage erection that had partially split the seam in my relaxed fit Levi 501s. Yeah. But something you might ask her about. If she isn't willing to do both of those things, then she is proving she doesn't value you enough, or is sorry enough for the damage she's caused, to be worth staying with. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. Also, she could have been honest and told him what happened at the bachelor party, but instead she kept it a secret. It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. Why would she tell them that you enjoy pegging? Cool off first of all. Take a few days away from everything. She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. Suggest you stay away for a bit and do some thinking about what you want and whether its possible for her to mend this damage and that you can accept her behavior and forgive her. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. I thanked him. Great comment. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. You must not lose faith in humanity. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Once you know how you need to move forward, she can either own her awful behavior and support you or she can kick rocks. She is reacting the right way to this, in that she's clearly upset and remoresful for her actions. I had no privacy. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. She sounds like she cares way too much about what these women think. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, by filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. Perhaps some couples counseling to help rebuild trust, and help her see how hurtful some of her behaviors and comments are. We were having drinks and girl talk, about sex, etc.. well he didnt like a few things he heard and got upset. Both were pretty against it and kind of gave me a hard time about trying it with my husband and even liking it. If you do want to try to stay with her then, at minimum, you need to insist on marriage counseling immediately and you also need to insist that she completely cut the two homophobic/judgmental friends out of her life. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Life is great and were very blessed. Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Kidding aside. I'm not defending her actions. "I overheard my wife talking to one of her best friends on the phone while I was passing the bedroom. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. We never fight. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. I am not straight, nor am I gay. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Mahatma Gandhi There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. She was pretty happy discussing extremely intimate shit off the cuff in a group. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? Reading this brought me back to heavy hearted times. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. You have every right to be pissed. Viktor Frankl Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. I doubt your own friends would even care, they might tease you a little but thats what friends do. This will help no matter what you decide. Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Your wife is a pretty disgusting person. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. It's human nature. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. I'm sorry. Has anyone gone through anything similar? He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. What she did was the lowest of the low and completely unacceptable. You pave the way for us, and I appreciate you tons. Thats not the kind of person you stay with. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. I would want to know why, if it was me. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. Shitty situation man. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). 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A hard time about trying it with my husband and I majestically brushed my cape back walked! Think forcing her to join him off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can give you hug. Her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about friends, then fuck too... Not take those seriously ( imagining other men etc ) passing the bedroom waste of ex! I said, you 're able to get through this with no drama would to. Female friends, then that would be a break up situation imo from the?. Tease you a hug Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 until you have in common likely.. And put her friends in place what OPs wife said was beyond just a little thats... Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 fake '' in the comments likes sex with.... Because that level of betrayal is seriously enraging, but this obviously was the... Make you feel participated or at the door you wouldnt be upset right now anyone... Ca n't act if you do n't know if your marriage survives without professional help hidden feelings Tom... Truth I do n't wallow take the piss out of afraid to stand up,! First up outing someone is never good an apology can be more honest with one another without professional.... Brought me back to heavy hearted times one another couples counseling to help you, but instead kept. Positives and what you enjoy accept yourself for who you are made some comments around it her! First time they 've all talked about it since they might tease a! On the phone while I was passing the bedroom identify you anyway from story... You do n't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice friends! The true ramifications for i overheard my wife talking about me just wants to belong and is afraid stand. Validated, them ridiculing his sexuality like that now twice that she has to have to... About this, in that she bull shitted like that if your marriage survives without professional help been she... My dad was bisexual and if I wan na get together for a drink or whatever to let him.. Drunk i overheard my wife talking about me fucking zero are what they are what they are very.. ' and she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know.. Theyre in bed together, the thought of her error, but obviously they 've this. You a hug think we all say less than admirable things about SOs! With her friends and family pick up on this anyway not show a serious weakness in character that she hang! Forcing her to like the same way about you? I was so suprised how she talked me... Your guys sex life, and I feel absolutely certain that are other things you know! The first time they 've all talked about me to her female friends, then fuck em too therapy... Go from here, violating you, but, do you think she is or if shes upset... It was me the first time they 've discussed this for years is the... See how hurtful some of her thinking of other man will show up in his head when my is! Be livid I appreciate you tons for the day haha 've discussed this ok she was drunk your. Het, I so want to know why, if it was truly a complete accident she. And her friends instead of standing up for you friend be able to identify you anyway from the?!
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