My sister would not even go to court with me for my divorce on adultery because she had became friends with his mistress. I agree with you, its hard to see the world as a good place when going through something like this. She continues to insist that we dont talk to her Ex. My boyfriend finally left her after her last infidelity incident. A few have since come aroubd sheepishly and Wowww the lies he told. You have no one to blame but yourself. I would have no problems if my family had a good relationship with my ex before and after the divorce but over the years they never expressed any interest on hanging out with him until now. That makes him feel like family. Its like they rather spend time with him than you. It has nothing to do with how nice he is as a person. etc. Comments like yours though reinforce what we already knew that it is inherently wrong of them! But since it hasn't been drawn between them, you need to draw one for yourself and your boyfriendthat is, if he wants you to stick around. It seems possessive, like shes making sure I know shes always going to be around? If youre prepared to behave like that in a forum then perhaps this is a clue as to why your ex left? Your ex sounds psycho, honestly. To some degree, youre also connecting your life with their family and circle of friends. This happened to me and it was excruciatingly painful. I have two sister in laws I am very fond of but if my brothers were to suddenly divorce I would feel sad but they would come first. But the fact that your sister had already invited your ex for Thanksgiving sounds to me like shes got some issues with you and doesnt respect your feelings and I know that your ex has some issues. What's going on? The only mistake she has ever made in her life was marrying her X. I try to be nice and include her in things. When he's busy with his family, focus on your own passions, hobbies and life. I would personally rather shit out a tape worm than have anything to do with some fake ass narcissist in my life. He he is not doing anything wrong then whats the problem. Theyre DIVORCED. Therefore my sisters stepped up their disrespectful game against me, and invited my ex-husband who physically/verbally abused me. The lingering presence of the said ex in their life can be the first clear indicator you need to watch out for. And actually youre not going through this. They enjoy him and so they cant get beyond themselves and actually, whether they know it or not, I think they enjoy that it hurts me. The manner in which my ex choose to end our marriage was very hurtful and harmful and his anger over having to pay me alimony has caused me much distress. Boy that felt good to get off my chest! He moved them across the country and had all of the divorce, DV, shelter, police records sealed so no one can look at them. Such a slap in the face! Now I know am not the only one, I got comforted though the situation is still the same. Growing up with people and familial bonds will stay with you for life and thats why she hurts. Its so I can be happy myself. Not one would stand for it if it were them. And like I said, I had to give a simple answer: Yeah, hes still thinking about his ex.. She even helped pay for my exs lawyer. He made out he was a victim when in fact he indulged in his every whim and was extremely controlling. Deal with it. My mother told me to get out of her house shortly after I proposed to my wife now. She likes the girl for whatever reasons, but I'd put down good money that she's not willing to lose her son for any length of time to keep the girl around. About a year and a half after my divorce, my little sister and her husband decided to move from California to be closer to us. I seek help, and a spell was done on me and my husband. My heart breaks for her everyday. There is no reason to have the EX around. Their ex may even become a new friend! Your ex sounds like a complete narcissist. I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. Wow, that is a really messed up situation that you are dealing with. I am so thankful for your post and all the supportive comments. My son hung out with him after my divorce. I tiptoe with her to maintain a good relationship, often being more rational than I feel like and giving her compliments (she can get nasty if anyone disagrees with her). wtf? Itsa loaded topic that I will try to piece apart here. I Completely understand this situation. Its purposeful. Dont be surprised! With all due respect and empathy- I really do think that you have some emotional wounds to heal and its causing you to experience this in a way that isnt comfortable. Nope, so he asked her. It doesnt have to be divided because yall separated. Again Im told that her pain in her divorce is not different from my pain. I could not even tell my own family. if hes in a different town from his own family after making sacrifices for you earlier in the marriage. I think you need to do some self care. Again, wierd. There are too many stories where a narcissistic, (Im not saying it ex is or isnt) ex had high jacked the ex in-laws. And also my family can do the same. And we have our holidays broken up so that certain days are for me and the kids and others are for him and the kids and they still invite him to our family gatherings so I have to put on a brave face and pretend its not horrible uncomfortable for me. After the separation and divorce My Ex pretty much had cut all ties with her family. My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. You ended it move on I stand by there is alwasy 3 sides to a story hishers.and the truth and the truth is seldom told. My ex has brought nothing but pain into my life and yet some members of my family chose him. What happens if there is a bbq or party and your both there expect you have a new partner now? It is an over reach. You can have a totally healthy and normal friendship with members of an ex's family, as long as you're considerate of your ex's feelings. I have never been able to get away from this person who I was only married to 18 months. Not a victim A SURVIVOR . You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. If we dont have a certain family code of behaviour then what is even the point of family? Wow! I am 100% on your side. One factor that f abusive/toxic families however is that they naturally pull together to preserve the good family identity. I am going through a similar situation, luckily no children involved with me and him though. Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. You having to be in uncomfortable situations with your ex husband/wife is going to happen and your going to have to deal with it in one way or another. If family cant support you through such an emotional time, I could never see them as good people. He doesnt take the kids to the dentist, doctor, for hair cuts or anything else they need beyond food. But after being sexually inappropriate with one of our kids he ended up with unsupervised visits and joint custody. Yes, my ex and my mom still talk and text all the time still go out go lunch things like that.. It amazes me how many people here take this womans side. When you divorce you shouldnt still get the perks of your exs family. Many divorces occur, because someone was a terrible spouse. Most people are not saying you shouldnt let the children see the other side of the family at all. I respect him as the father of our kids but he wasnt a good husband (Ill leave it at that) therefore last person Id want to have a good time around. My love goes to the person I am withoddly enough in my experience it is predominantly women that have a personal issue with this. The older children cant stand any of them and say they are jeoulous of me . Like its sad enough for both of you to be alone if all family wanna see both of you guys let it be. I know you're reluctant to pit your boyfriend against his family, and you should be. Having a positive line of communication with her will also be healthy for your children. My adult daughter came in town with their children to visit when the day came they were visiting their father they took MY FATHER with them out for dinner & drinks. I hate to come off cold or anything. Your family needs to set boundaries. "You should only be friends with an exs family if youve processed the breakup and have your emotional and social ducks in a row." Im so sorry you are experiencing this. He never broke the law before, but he ended up in an altercation in which he hurt the other man so badly that the man died. Its not being Cordial its being totally and absolutely insensitive, now if they were all best buddies before I guess I could see it to an extent. And being fully supported by my mother in law. Its crazy. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). It is not ok! Thank you Vikki. No your not being unreasonable to expect loyalty from your family, getting it is anither thing. On some level, I get it. I dont have kids with my ex, but he left me for another woman and was too much of a coward to tell me so i found out about it months later. Her family is not being loving to her at all. All of my family knew how abruptly he asked for adivorce. Wish me the same, Wow! Terrible. The issue isnt with you, it is with the family. We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. And yes during the divorce he insisted on counseling and was told that he was narcissistic. All she wanted to know is if I wrote a mean reply back. So Im done. You left him, he didnt leave you so thats just kind of too bad for you, he was willing to stay, you werent. I strongly recommend therapy. My sister, and my niece came in and gave him a hug and ignored me. I think your feelings and your reactions to all of this Is normal. They all hate me, wont talk to me. We got a postcard after the wedding. I have asked my siblings that if he or my children wanna bring him to a visit at their homes to just say Ask my sister. Did you really have a good relationship with them previously or were you doing most of the work? The last time was on his birthday. And if you have and theyre still continuing behaving this way, they really have no respect for you. I broached the issue with my family and they turned against me and made me feel like I was the problem. I feel you. So, considering how your partner talks to their other friends is a good indication of how they feel toward their ex. Let him see you living your best life, your happiness shouldnt be contingent on his presence or absenceand you both being present, if you can be respectful toward one another, will give your kids a sense of security and teach them how relationships can look after they end. Of course he makes it seem like everything is my fault and she believes it! However, he did not beat my sister. Just because you decided to quit on him after yall made a vows to be patient with eachother. She is willing to cut ties with her own family, spend Thanksgiving (who cares what the kids want) all because she doesnt want to be around her ex. I should just get over it. In the middle of the divorce (which was terrible and messy, full of custody battles and terrible fights) she was invited to MY familys barbecue. As for your family, its his family as well. I was married to my ex husband for 14 years when I found out he was having an affair with his secretary. Her family should be spending time with her not with her ex. Thank god I have the love of a good man now. I was absolutely heartbroken and also full of anger. Let them know that you also feel its unhealthy for when you choose to move on with someone else (that your ex is still at all the family functions). But hours later the police were called. And when he goes to events, you are uncomfortable enough not to attend. I think every situation is different. it saddens me to know that not only women go through such things im a man been married to a women i gave the world to she now is fighting for my late mums house after all her wrongs she done into me only god knows how she was able to get my mums property on her name it saddens me that everytime it feels like she winning even in her wrongs my mum left me with a sister that also does not have a home but this women is fighting for my mums house to be sold as shes only lacking money my concern where do i our kids go if we no longer there as she herself does not have a house this is so sad i pray but feel lost i mostly sit and ask God why me what did i do to go through all this just for loving a women that has never loved me. For example, whenever my Ex comes up during a conversation, when there are several people around, (cousins, my sister) they will ask, If things are better with my Ex. 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